


Bad Girls Club

by annies_hoodie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, Group chat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-06-09 17:20:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annies_hoodie/pseuds/annies_hoodie
Summary: Ymir starts a group chat with the ladies of the 104th. To the surprise of no one, typical group chat chaos ensues.





	1. Tea

**Ymir started the group chat.**

**Ymir added Annie, Historia, Sasha and Mikasa.**

**Ymir:** heyyyy

  
**Historia:** hey :p

  
**Sasha:** AYYYYYY 

  
**Ymir:** so what's up everyone 

  
**Sasha:** well

  
**Sasha:** nothing tbh. homework

  
**Historia:** same. but I'm hanging out with my friend instead

  
**Ymir:** oh so we're just friends now?? okay 

  
**Historia:** *GIRLFRIEND

  
**Ymir:** yesss I never get tired of hearing that ♡♡

  
**Ymir:** can you give me some of the blanket that you're currently keeping all to yourself 

  
**Historia:** No

  
**Ymir:** babe :(

  
**Historia:** double no 

  
**Annie:**  if this turns into "Ymir and Historia acting stupid" chat, I'm leaving right the fuck now 

  
**Ymir:** ANNIE!!!!! 

  
**Sasha:** OMG ANNIE 

  
**Historia:** Annie! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

  
**Annie:**  is that some kind of code Historia? is Ymir holding you against your will?

  
**Ymir:** it's emoticon you uncultured swine 

  
**Sasha:** oh...I'm swine too then Annie. Team Swine 

  
**Historia:** :(

  
**Ymir:** You guys seriously don't know emoticons? Kaomoji? I'm surprised, especially at Annie because you live on the internet 

  
**Sasha:** Yeah idk. just never came across it I guess! but it's cute! just like Historia :) 

  
**Historia:** aww thanks Sasha!! you're cute too ♡♡

  
**Ymir:** so I'm gonna pretend like I didn't just see that exchange 

  
**Annie:**  Historia cheating confirmed 

  
**Ymir:** I'm not the jealous type. it's all just for fun, we're all friends here

   
**Annie:**  are we?

  
**Sasha:** of course!!! 

  
**Annie:**  mmkay

  
**Ymir:** see. this is why i didn't want to add your sarcastic ass. Historia forced me

  
**Historia:** No I didn't. Annie was the first one you added, even before me

  
**Sasha:** OHHH the truth comes out!!!!

  
**Ymir:** I HAVE THE POWER TO DELETE THIS CHAT 

  
**Annie:**  Ymir on a power trip? nothing new here, moving on

  
**Historia:** oh the tea is burning hot today 

  
**Ymir:** Tea?

  
**Sasha:** you don't know tea?

  
**Ymir:** I know like...the drink 

  
**Annie:**  ha. I vaguely remember someone calling me "uncultured swine" just a few moments ago. Oh how the tables have turned 

  
**Ymir:** SHUT UP AND TELL ME WHAT TEA MEANS. IS IT A SEX THING 

  
**Historia:** it could be if you want it to be ;)

  
**Annie:**  NO

  
**Sasha:** so "tea" is basically a word for gossip or a juicy piece of news, or like, a really biting observation or something. to say the tea is hot means the gossip is good af

  
**Ymir:** wow. okay well clearly we all operate on different realms of the internet bc I've never heard it used like that 

  
**Annie:**  Yeah, you're just here for porn, we know

  
**Historia:** OMG TEA

  
**Ymir:** can this not be a thing 

  
**Sasha:** It's already taken on a life of it's own, Ymir. nothing can be done 

  
**Annie:**  tea

  
**Ymir:** why is it more annoying when you say it

  
**Annie:**  I mean...tea tbh

  
**Historia:** I hate that it was a valid use of the word in both instances 

  
**Ymir:** tea is banned from this chat from this moment forward 

  
**Sasha:** tea

  
**Historia:** tea

  
**Annie:**  tea

  
**Ymir:** fuck you all

  
**Historia:** been there, done that 

  
**Sasha:** DETAILS PLS

  
**Historia:** can't say enough good things 

  
**Ymir:** :)

  
**Sasha:** More

  
**Annie:**  no. no more

  
**Historia:** Ymir's thighs are heaven 

  
**Sasha:** oh? go on

  
**Annie:**  Do NOT go on. Do NOT 

  
**Historia:** she loves it when I suck on her earlobe 

  
**Annie:**  YMIR MAKE IT STOP!!! I'm crying :'(

  
**Ymir:** in that case, Historia please go on 

  
**Historia:** she's the sweetest girl ever in more ways than one :)

  
**Sasha:** wow I feel fulfilled 

  
**Historia:** trust me, when she's done with me I do too.

  
**Mikasa:** Hey guys what's up? 

  
**Ymir:** THERE SHE IS!! 

  
**Historia:** Mikasa!!!! ♡

  
**Sasha:** omg my main girl!!!

  
**Annie:**  I fucking. HATE. that Mikasa just joined now and doesn't have to read any of the horrible shit that was divulged RIGHT before she decided to drop in. 

  
**Mikasa:** what does that mean? 

  
**Annie:**  it means nothing to you. everything to me because my life is ruined. 

  
**Mikasa:** are you okay?

  
**Ymir:** no she's not. she's always got something to complain about and something to be emo over. next 

  
**Sasha:** Annie I love you

   
**Historia:** Annie I love you too you cute blondie

  
**Ymir:** For the second time tonight I am threatening to delete this chat 

  
**Mikasa:** aw. but I just got here. 

  
**Historia:** don't worry she won't actually do it

  
**Sasha:** it's a ploy for attention 

  
**Ymir:** Sasha!! it's unlike you to roast me. have you been hanging out with the resident troll too much? 

  
**Annie:**  no trolling no life 

  
**Sasha:** wbk 

  
**Ymir:** wbk?

  
**Annie:**  for fucks sake Ymir Google exists, use it 

  
**Ymir:** fine. 

  
**Ymir:** so it's either Microsoft Word Extension file 

  
**Ymir:** or Wet Basisvoorziening Kinderopvang (Dutch: Basic Child Law). 

  
**Annie:**  well I'm here to tell you it's neither 

  
**Sasha:** wbk is meant to express "we been knew". used to express something that is obvious

  
**Mikasa:** it's not proper grammar. 

  
**Annie:**  it's the internet, Mikasa. no one cares about grammar

  
**Historia:** This is what happens when Ymir spends too much time on Tumblr

  
**Sasha:** you gotta get on Twitter girl. cutting edge 

  
**Ymir:** fuck Twitter 

  
**Annie:**  I mean Twitter sucks. but I keep up with it

  
**Ymir:** well you've got the time.

  
**Annie:**  and you don't?

  
**Mikasa:** What did everyone have for dinner today?

  
**Historia:** I love you, Mikasa 

  
**Ymir:** you're just full of proclamations of love tonight aren't you

  
**Historia:** yes but I love you the most ♡

  
**Annie:**  anyways it was a hot pocket

  
**Mikasa:** Annie. Did you eat a salad with it? 

  
**Annie:**  someone else answer her question to distract her

  
**Ymir:** I ate Historia 

  
**Sasha:**  OOOWWW WOWZZAH *air horn x 3*

  
**Mikasa:** I don't think that satisfies your daily nutrition requirements

  
**Ymir:** cum is nutritious Mikasa. Annie's available if you'd ever like to try 

  
**Sasha:** TEAAAA A A A A 

  
**Mikasa:** Tea?

  
**Ymir:** were not doing this again 

  
**Historia:** I had homemade roasted red pepper and tomato soup! Ymir and I cooked together, it was very nice. 

  
**Mikasa:** good choice. lots of Vitamin A, E and C. 

  
**Sasha:** Steak and potatoes for me

  
**Mikasa:** good. the goal is to keep eating less and less of packaged items and more things that grow from the ground. 

  
**Ymir:** weed

 **Historia:** what did you have, Mikasa?

  
**Mikasa:** Tofu bibimbap 

  
**Ymir:** a what now

  
**Annie:**  again, Google exists

  
**Mikasa:** it's really good. Korean style rice and vegetable bowl with a red pepper sauce.

  
**Ymir:** invite me over next time okay?

  
**Mikasa:** I only cook for one usually. 

  
**Historia:** Annie, you should drop by her place for dinner once in a while. 

  
**Mikasa:** that'd be nice, Annie. I'd feel better knowing you're getting a nutritious home cooked meal.

  
**Annie:**  I'll think about it 

  
**Ymir:** idk about you guys but if a smoking hot and fit girl who also happened to be kind and sweet and an amazing cook invited me over for dinner I'd say FUCK YES and not "I'll think about it"

  
**Mikasa:** I don't really care what she does I just put the offer out there 

  
**Sasha:** damn. tea 

  
**Ymir:** my finger is hovering over the "delete group chat" button right now.

 


	2. Rules Pt. 1

**Ymir changed the chat name to Bad Girls Club**

 

 **Annie:** ^^uh...what was the name before

 

 **Ymir:** it wasn’t anything

 

 **Annie:** it could have stayed that way

 

 **Sasha:** hey i love it. WHERE ALL MY BAD GIRLS AT

 

 **Historia:** ( ^_^)／

 

 **Sasha:** (=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉ

 

 **Mikasa:** cute.

 

 **Ymir:** is that sarcastic or…

 

 **Mikasa:** no those little characters are cute.

 

 **Ymir:** sorry i can never tell with you

 

 **Mikasa:** hm. Well it is hard to tell your true emotions through text.

 

 **Ymir:** i mean yeah but i also can’t tell your emotions irl either so theres that

 

 **Sasha:** i can teach you guys how to accurately express yourselves online. No problem

 

 **Historia:** oh do tell!!

 

 **Sasha:** okay so let’s start with conveying your explosive laughter to a joke. Annie, tell a joke

 

 **Annie:** Ymir

 

 **Sasha:** KSAJFLKDJASDLKF;JASKLJFLSKDJFAS

 

 **Mikasa:** keyboard broke?

 

 **Sasha:** OMG IM SCREAMING!!!!!

 

 **Mikasa:** why?

 

 **Sasha:** OMG IM DEAD

 

 **Mikasa:** you’re dead?!

 

 **Mikasa:**...

 

 **Mikasa:** hello?

 

 **Ymir:** I like how we’ve been collectively silent this whole time watching Mikasa struggle

 

 **Annie:** i had the strongest urge to follow her hello with “*hewwo?” but i resisted

 

 **Historia:** you guys, you’re not acting like Bad Girls. Let’s clue in Mikasa. Mikasa, Sasha’s fine. Everything she’s saying is part of her demonstration on showing uncontrollable and unbelievable laughter through the internet.

 

 **Annie:** Can I ask what constitutes “acting like a Bad Girl”?

 

 **Ymir:** I didn’t think that far

 

 **Annie:** not surprised

 

 **Historia:** don’t worry babe i’ve got you covered. What we’re gonna do is write our own set of rules for being a Bad Girl. As part of our special christening as the Bad Girls Club today.

 

 **Mikasa:** what about Sasha’s internet lessons? I’m kind of unclear still what that demonstration even was

 

 **Annie:** private chats exist

 

 **Sasha:** yeah tbh Mikasa i feel like we’re gonna have to work extensively. I’ll make a chat just for you and me. :)

 

 **Ymir:** when you added the smiley face it became kinky

 

 **Sasha:** i feel like private chats are inherently kinky

 

 **Historia:** you know what...its true

 

 **Mikasa:** why must everything have a double meaning with you guys

 

 **Ymir:** because we are all horny perverts

 

 **Annie:** speak for yourself

 

 **Ymir:** can you stop doing that to me ALL THE TIME

 

 **Annie:** stop what

 

 **Ymir:** don’t play coy with me

 

 **Historia:** that sounds vaguely sexual too

 

 **Ymir:** Alexa how do I kick my girlfriend out of the chat?

 

 **Mikasa:** Who’s Alexa?

 

 **Annie:** you know, i was going to bet big money that you were going to say that but you typed faster than i could

 

 **Sasha:** wow since you know her so well you should ask her on a date

 

 **Historia:** OH WOW.

 

 **Ymir:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Mikasa:** So Historia you were talking about coming up with rules for the Bad Girls Club?

 

 **Sasha:** Mikasa I luv ya but we’re not changing the subject that fast

 

 **Mikasa:** there is no subject to change. We were talking about Bad Girls Club criteria and we still are

 

 **Ymir:** OMG SHES PISSED

 

 **Mikasa:** I’m not pissed.

 

 **Sasha:** OHH SHE MAD

 

 **Annie:** you guys are so annoying. Leave her alone

 

 **Historia:** Annie, you’re so chivalrous

 

 **Ymir:** she’s been taking lessons from me

 

 **Annie:** okay now I KNOW you must be on crack

 

 **Sasha:** Mikasa I’ll let this slide for now. But the topic may be revisited in our private chat

 

 **Ymir:** we want screenshots

 

 **Historia:** no. we must respect the integrity of private chats

 

 **Ymir:** :(

 

 **Historia:** Pumpkin don’t be sad ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

 

 **Annie:** with just four words you have the power to bring to my knees in disgust

 

 **Sasha:** wow...her mind

 

 **Annie:** can I ask you a question

 

 **Sasha:** yas

 

 **Annie:** what fandom are you a part of on stan twitter because I don’t think I know

 

 **Historia:** I’m curious too!

 

 **Ymir:** me too. We already now about Annie’s anime obsessed otaku ass so we don’t even have to ask

 

 **Annie:** don’t assume things about me.

 

 **Mikasa:** but it’s true, Annie

 

 **Annie:** Mikasa, why do you have to do me like that

 

 **Ymir:** in what other way would you like her to do you?

 

 **Annie:** okay I set myself up for that

 

 **Annie:** and yes i’m an otaku what of it?

 

 **Sasha:** I’m part of kpop stan twitter

 

 **Ymir:** I should have known

 

 **Sasha:** BUT

 

 **Sasha:** I’m not a crazed stan. I’m just there for a good time

 

 **Historia:** spoken like someone who hasn’t experienced a bloody fanwar yet

 

 **Sasha:** I can’t let myself get too involved or i go overboard. So i just casually look in from the outside. I’ve seen some shit though

 

 **Ymir:** i believe it. I’ve heard crazy stuff about kpoppies

 

 **Sasha:** don’t ever use that word or you’ll trigger them

 

 **Ymir:** noted. You know what, make a me a playlist sometime and send it to me, my interest is piqued

 

 **Annie:** Ymir wanting to branch out from her old, crusty ways? Consider me shocked

 

 **Ymir:** consider you ANNOYING

 

 **Historia:** consider you both LOVED AND CHERISHED BY ME

 

 **Mikasa:** what about me?

 

 **Historia:** OH GOD YOU SWEET LOVABLE GIRL YOU TOO ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡

 

 **Annie:** that one is ugly

 

 **Historia:** dont insult my kaomoji bitch

 

 **Ymir:** And there we have it: Rule number one of being a part of the Bad Girls Club is: Don’t insult Historia’s emoticons

 

 **Mikasa:** well at least we got somewhere today


	3. Poetry Belles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone goes to the same university and are in the same dorm building just so you know!

_(In a separate private chat)_

**Sasha added Mikasa**

**Sasha changed the name of the private chat to Girls Gone Wild**

**Sasha:** Mikasa! <3

 **Mikasa:** hey Sasha

 **Mikasa:** thanks for helping me out.

 **Sasha:** of course. I know you only do school stuff on the computer and rarely browse for fun. Which is crazy to me because the internet is my life force but to each their own

 **Mikasa:** honestly it just hurts my eyes if I’m online too long

 **Sasha:** fair enough

 **Sasha:** but before we start Internet Lingo 101, we gotta have girl talk

 **Mikasa:** girl talk?

 **Sasha:** okay let me rephrase

 **Sasha:** Annie talk

 **Mikasa:** what about Annie.

 **Sasha:** she cute

 **Mikasa:** …

 **Sasha:** okay I’ll be real. You guys have unbearable sexual tension in the gc (group chat) and we are all rooting for you guys so hard

 **Mikasa:** lol. Thanks for the parentheses

 **Mikasa:** and I don’t know about Annie. I don’t think she’s the type to date

 **Mikasa:** I don’t know about unbearable sexual tension either we barely spoke to each other in the gc

 **Sasha:** everyone is the type to date if they find the right person

 **Mikasa:** being single is not a bad thing tbh. I like the independence

 **Sasha:** you don’t have to sacrifice that to be in a relationship though! Trust me. I like my alone time sometimes and Conny gets that. He knows when to let me chill and when I need him close.

 **Sasha:** and honestly one of the biggest benefits of having a relationship is doing nothing with someone else

 **Sasha:** you guys can like sit in a dark corner all alone and read or something

 **Mikasa:** that doesn’t sound too bad

 **Sasha:** I knew you’d like that.

 **Mikasa:** lol

 **Sasha:** I’m pleased to see you incorporating some acronyms, my Padawan

 **Mikasa:** yes. And that’s a star wars reference

 **Mikasa:** am I on a role or what?

 **Sasha:** Oh you are SO on a roll

 **Sasha:** but at least tell me this

 **Sasha:** are you interested in her?

 **Mikasa:** don’t tell anyone, ok?

 **Sasha:** I’m your best friend. I would never tell anyone! I’m only here to listen and offer advice and encouragement when I see fit :) or when requested of course!

 **Mikasa:** okay. Well I do like her

 **Mikasa:** a lot

 **Sasha:** OKAY GIVE ME A MOMENT TO FREAK OUT IM SORRY BUT IM SCREAMING RN

 **Sasha:** OTP (One True Pairing, used for a couple you love) GOALS

 **Sasha:** okay anyway. Want me to help you with that crush?

 **Mikasa:** She doesn’t like me back so there’s really nothing to do

 **Sasha:** oh really now? Did you ask her that?

 **Mikasa:** no

 **Sasha:** then how do you know?!?

 **Mikasa:** gut feeling

 **Sasha:** hmm idk about that. Because I trust your gut feelings. Hell I trust your gut feelings more than I trust my own

 **Mikasa:** maybe because you confuse your gut feeling with being hungry?

 **Sasha:** damn

 **Sasha:** savage

 **Sasha:** and true

 **Sasha:** but I’m gonna chalk this one up to you being nervous more than a gut feeling

 **Mikasa:** I am nervous. I don’t even know how to approach this at all

 **Sasha:** girl that’s why I’m here!!! Don’t worry. I’ll tell you all you need to know. I’ve been around the block ;)

 **Mikasa:** thot

 **Sasha:** MIKASA

 **Sasha:** WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?!!

 **Mikasa:** Annie just called Historia that in the gc so I looked it up. Thought it’d work in this situation, I didn’t mean it seriously!

 **Sasha:** omg don’t worry. I didn’t think you were serious, I was just shocked and proud

 **Sasha:** I’m surprised you’re keeping up with the gc, I see 74 messages have accumulated since I last checked in and I’m not about to backread all that

 **Mikasa:** it’s just a bunch of insults anyway, nothing important

 **Sasha:** as expected. We’re on to bigger and better things over here aka your love life.

 **Sasha:** so as I was saying, I know a thing or two about wooing a potential mate. The key to everyone’s heart is food

 **Mikasa:** really?

 **Sasha:** oh god yes.

 **Sasha:** and if you think about it, this works out perfect because you’re an amazing cook and Annie is not

 **Mikasa:** well she made me banana bread once and it was really good

 **Sasha:** EXCUSE ME MA’AM SHE MADE YOU BANANA BREAD ONCE AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME ABOUT IT????

 **Mikasa:** I didn’t even know it was from her until recently

 **Mikasa:** so you know how we had the first Books  & Bakery discussion for Poetry Club the other day? I was obviously not planning on eating anything because I’ve been trying to stay away from gluten

 **Mikasa:** But right before we got started Historia gave me this beautifully wrapped loaf of banana bread and said it was gluten free and made with love, for me only

 **Mikasa:** so of course I had some and it was delicious, and I just assumed Historia had made it for me because it doesn’t seem unlike her

 **Mikasa:** I texted her to say “thank you” afterwards and she said “don’t thank me!”

 **Mikasa:** I thought she was just being humble and didn’t think twice. But then later I went to Annie’s dorm to drop off a book I thought she’d like, and I saw the dishes and banana peels still on the counter

 **Mikasa:** because you know how she gets lazy sometimes

 **Mikasa:** then I put two and two together and that’s the story

 **Sasha:** bitch

 **Sasha:** this is fanfic level material

 **Sasha:** also “I went to Annie’s dorm to drop off a book I thought she’d like” ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE NOT ALREADY DATING

 **Mikasa:** no. just friends

 **Sasha:** well damn. I’ve got a plan to change that

 **Sasha:** we’re going to go with the idea that you already set up about having Annie over for dinner

 **Mikasa:** what if she doesn’t like what I make?

 **Sasha:** impossible. Annie will eat anything and if it’s made by you she’ll double like it

 **Sasha:** and honestly I was thinking that maybe you could invite her over via a private chat

 **Sasha:** that way you two introverts can eliminate any crippling awkwardness that could arise if you asked her in person

 **Sasha:** AND it gives you two an excuse to have your own little chat

 **Sasha:** Gosh…I’m a genius

 **Mikasa:** I think I can do that

 **Mikasa:** what do you think I should make?

 **Sasha:** ask her! It’ll be a perfect topic to break the ice. This love story is writing itself, I tell ya

 **Mikasa:** I’ll give it a try then. Maybe not tonight but soon.

 **Sasha:** That’s my girl.

 **Sasha:** I’m hungry now. Want to get a bite to eat and blow up the group chat together?

 **Mikasa:** blow up?

 **Sasha:** bombard them with messages

 **Mikasa:** oh. Yes I think that is in order. I’ll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes?

 **Sasha:** YESS see u then!!

* * *

 

_(back in the Bad Girls Club group chat)_

**Annie:** I’m telling you dumbasses that I’m a natural blonde and I’m sick of trying to convince you

 **Ymir:** we literally know you are a natural blonde. We’ve just been trolling because we’re bored and there’s nothing on Netflix

 **Annie:** they’ve got thousands of titles but go off I guess

 **Historia:** I want something horrifically scary and there is nothing

 **Annie:** look at your girlfriend and that criteria should be satisfied

 **Ymir:** for someone so quiet in real life you sure are full of things to say on here, huh

 **Annie:** yep

 **Annie:** I’m a merciful person and opt NOT to embarrass you in public, though you present me with many opportunities to do so daily

 **Ymir:** I’m going to break into your dorm room and burn all of your stupid hoodies

 **Historia:** even if you do that she’ll just grow more on the hoodie tree she has in the community green house

 **Annie:** exactly

 **Sasha:** hey guys!!!!1

 **Mikasa:** Hey Annie!

 **Ymir:** Annie gets a special greeting?

 **Historia:** Hi Sasha and Mikasa!! Where have you guys been? I missed u both

 **Sasha:** discussing top secret things over in the Girls Gone Wild chat

 **Historia:** ooh…sounds fun

 **Ymir:** sounds like they were sending nudes

 **Annie:** whats up Mikasa

 **Mikasa:** Sasha and I are downstairs in the lounge right now. We have pizza. Do you want some?

 **Annie:** no im not getting up. But thanks

 **Ymir:** Bitch where’s my invite??

 **Sasha:** You don’t get one unless you send a dirty pic

 **Ymir:** give me a sec

 **Ymir:** done

 **Sasha:** this is a picture of Annie

 **Ymir:** exactly

 **Ymir:** wait where the fuck did you go Historia

 **Mikasa:** she’s next to me, she came downstairs while you were looking for the picture

 **Ymir:** I suppose, the only thing she loves more than me is pizza

 **Historia:** she knows her place

 **Ymir:** HEY

 **Historia:** jk I have a slice of pepperoni saved for you come and get it!!

 **Annie:** why are you guys even on the gc if you’re all together rn

 **Sasha:** because it’s fun

 **Ymir:** yeah annie doesn’t know what that is. Damn this pizza is good

 **Historia :** all we need is some good booze

 **Ymir:** Annie break out the moonshine

 **Annie:** not the right occasion

 **Ymir:** BUZZKILL

 **Mikasa:** Sasha and I are going to blow up the chat now, it’s part of my lessons

 **Sasha:** hell yes we are bitch

 **Mikasa:** TGIF

 **Sasha:** FUCK YEAH IT’S FRIDAY

 **Mikasa:** lol

 **Sasha:** GIRL YOU CRAZY

 **Mikasa:** omg. I know. You too

 **Sasha:** KSJFLKAJSDKLFAJS

 **Mikasa:** ACKDLAFG ! !

 **Sasha:** SHE’S LEARNING AHHHHHHHH

 **Mikasa:** is it done?

 **Sasha:** WHAAAA??

 **Mikasa:** are we done blowing it up

 **Sasha:** THE PARTY DON’T STOP TILL I WALK IN

 **Mikasa:** hm

 **Mikasa:** got any napkins? The pizza is kind of greasy

 **Sasha:** all right you killed the vibe BUT that was an amazing start. You get a B-

 **Ymir:** harsh

 **Historia:** it’s an A+ for me

 **Annie:** I hope you asshats ordered gluten-free crust for Mikasa

 **Mikasa:** I actually ordered it so it’s good

 **Ymir:** YOU JUST CALLED MIKASA AN ASSHAT I AM SCREAMING

 **Sasha:** she really is she’s laughing so hard someone just told her to “Shut the fuckin hell up”

 **Annie:** ugh I’m going to bed

 **Historia:** night Annie  <3

 **Ymir:** good night asshat

 **Mikasa:** good night Annie

 **Sasha:** don’t let the bed bugs bite

 **Mikasa:** or else I’ll start a fight

 **Sasha:** and use all my might

 **Mikasa:** to make sure you sleep okay

 **Sasha:** because you are tired and gay

 **Mikasa:** hooray!

 **Sasha:** and that concludes our lesson for today.

 **Ymir:** damn. That wasn’t so much blowing up a chat as it was beautiful poetry

 **Historia:** the tired and gay part was my favorite because I relate

 **Sasha:** thank you dear friends. Mikasa has done well

 **Mikasa:** swell

 **Ymir:** okay no more poetry

 **Annie:** Ymir go to hell

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy guys sorry some of the spacing is off between the chat names and the words. It's 1 am and i am not as sharp as i could be lol. I'll also fix the line spacing tomorrow because they are close together tight now. thanks for bearing with me!! :)


	4. Secrets

**Ymir:** what are we up to on this fine Saturday, ladies?

 

**Mikasa:** homework

 

**Sasha:** same

 

**Historia:** putting my homework off for later

 

**Sasha:** okay yeah, same

 

**Annie:** knowing I have homework and consciously choosing not to do it

 

**Sasha:** okay same FOR REAL THIS TIME

 

**Ymir:** ya’ll need a tutor? I can help

 

**Annie:** hard pass

 

**Ymir:** hey. You need it the most, don’t get lippy

 

**Historia:** lippy? Babe who says that

 

**Ymir:** I do

 

**Annie:** weird

 

**Sasha:** we’re all weird here, no worries

 

**Annie:** not Ymir weird, though

 

**Historia:** Annie I want to try something

 

**Ymir:** !!!!!

 

**Historia:** not a threesome

 

**Ymir:**  :(

 

**Annie:** Wow

 

**Historia:** If you’re nice to Ymir for the rest of the day I’ll give you $20.

 

**Annie:** 20 bucks???

 

**Historia:** yep. Think you can do it?

 

**Annie:** I don’t know if it’s worth it. Making fun of her is my favorite hobby

 

**Mikasa:** Annie, try it. We can go see a movie with that $20

 

**Sasha:** oo, date night? :)

 

**Annie:** …

 

**Annie:** Fine I’ll do it

 

**Ymir:** Ha. It’ll be fun to see you try

 

**Ymir:** because now that you’ve agreed you have to adhere to the rule that I will establish right now

 

**Ymir:** I can say anything I want to you and you can’t say shit back

 

**Ymir:** shorty will finally get what’s coming to her

 

**Sasha:** what’s coming to her?

 

**Ymir:** snide remarks and insults

 

**Annie:** I don’t know what I can even talk about in here if it’s not at Ymir’s expense

 

**Annie:** suddenly my life feels…empty

 

**Ymir:** that would be due to your wonderful personality

 

**Mikasa:** …

 

**Annie:** interesting

 

**Ymir:** something that you’re not

 

**Annie:** I suppose so.

 

**Ymir:** oh you suppose? With your brain that barely works?

 

**Mikasa:** …

 

**Sasha:** okay I’m gonna say it

 

**Sasha:** Ymir I love you but your insults are weak and boring. It’s more interesting when you’re retaliating

 

**Ymir:** Oh so I’m just here for everyone’s entertainment? To be the butt of Annie’s jokes?? I did not create this chat to have my good name dragged through the mud!!

 

**Annie:** How about this Ymir. I’ll scale it back a little bit. I’ll even compliment you from time to time.

 

**Ymir:** really?

 

**Annie:** sure. I’ll even give you one now.

 

**Ymir:** …

 

**Ymir:** …

 

**Ymir:** do you have one?

 

**Annie:** I’ve got absolutely nothing

 

**Historia:** okay games over you lose Annie

 

**Annie:** that was the shittiest game ever

 

**Historia:** I was just trying for some peace between you two!!

 

**Sasha:** It was a valiant effort dearie.

 

**Historia:**  ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )

 

**Annie:** who says dearie. Are you 80?

 

**Ymir:** I say dearie!

 

**Historia:** it’s our safe word actually

 

**Annie:** oh FUCK no

 

**Sasha:** that’s a unique safe word

 

**Historia:** totally. That’s why we picked it, we like to be edgy

 

**Ymir:** we’re not a part of the Bad Girls Club for nothing

 

**Annie:** so you have to have rough sex that requires having a safe word to be in the Bad Girls Club? Is this a new rule?

 

**Ymir:** Yep so you’re out

 

**Annie:** you don’t know my life ma’am

 

**Ymir:** I know that you’re not having rough sex. Or any sex, for that matter

 

**Sasha:** oh damn see that was a good one

 

**Ymir:** I have my moments

 

**Annie:** few and far between

 

**Historia:** Mikasa, are you having rough sex?

 

**Annie:** I’m going to beat the shit out of you guys!!!!

 

**Ymir:** Chill, squirt

 

**Sasha:** omg. Squirt

 

**Mikasa:** no Historia I am not.

 

**Annie:** You don’t have to answer their shit if you don’t want to Mikasa.

 

**Mikasa:** I don’t mind. We’re all friends here!

 

**Annie:** Yeah but some of the friends (Ymir and sometimes Historia) are assholes

 

**Ymir:** someone’s pressed

 

**Sasha:** mmm. When you said pressed it made me think of a panini. Yum

 

**Historia:** let’s all tell a secret

 

**Annie:** It’s too early for this bullshit

 

**Ymir:** It’s midday. Prime time for telling secrets

 

**Annie:** k fine here’s mine. I’m gay

 

**Ymir:** OMG REALLY????? NO FUCKIN WAY

 

**Ymir:** I couldn’t tell by the way you check out Mikasa’s ass all the time but now it all makes sense!

 

**Mikasa:** ?

 

**Annie:** never happened

 

**Annie:** Ymir’s losing it again, Historia, help her

 

**Historia:** you guys all shut up and tell a real secret. Want to start Sasha?

 

**Sasha:** Sure!

 

**Sasha:** okay so my secret is… I used to date Jean Kirchstein.

 

**Ymir:** WHAT?!!!!

 

**Annie:** I vomited in my mouth

 

**Historia:** OMG SPILL THE DETAILS!!!

 

**Sasha:** he was nice but kind of vain and obsessed with Mikasa. But he’s the reason I got to meet Conny so that worked out pretty well in the end.

 

**Historia:** damn that was a good one. I’ll go next.

 

**Historia:** my secret is that I once got into my professor’s gradebook on his laptop and changed my grade from a B to an A

 

**Annie:** that seems a bit extreme to change an already good grade

 

**Historia:** I needed that 4.0!!! I hated seeing an ugly 3.8. I like even numbers

 

**Ymir:** damn that’s my hot bad ass gf

 

**Sasha:** holy shit you could have gotten kicked out if you were caught!!

 

**Historia:** right?? That was crazy. I wouldn’t do that again. I’ve grown as person since then

 

**Annie:** doubt it but okay moving on

 

**Annie:** Mikasa?

 

**Mikasa:** how about you go Annie?

 

**Annie:** nope. You

 

**Mikasa:** you

 

**Ymir:** ew shut up

 

**Ymir:** I’ll go

 

**Ymir:** my secret is that I fucked the president of the Art Club

 

**Sasha:** Historia is the president of the Art Club

 

**Ymir:** that’s damn straight…or should I say

 

**Ymir:** damn GAY

 

**Annie:** tell a real secret or I’m stealing all the toilet paper from your dorm room

 

**Ymir:** OKAY OKAY I used to have a crush on Mikasa

 

**Sasha:** okay but we’ve all had a crush on Mikasa

 

**Historia:** true

 

**Mikasa:** really?

 

**Annie:** nope. Not me

 

**Ymir:** #badliar

 

**Annie:** #yoursecretsucks

 

**Ymir:** okay even if we’ve all had a crush on Mikasa it doesn’t make it any less of a secret from me because I never said anything about it so I’m done. Leonhart is next

 

**Annie:** I’m allergic to peanuts

 

**Sasha:** Annie you shouldn’t keep that a secret that could be life threatening

 

**Annie:** Yeah well I don’t like to volunteer information unless I absolutely need to

 

**Historia:** I’m gonna buy you one of those cute bracelets they make that says your allergy on it so people know

 

**Sasha:** aren’t those for little kids?

 

**Ymir:** it’s perfect then!!

 

**Annie:** -_-

 

**Ymir:** anyways even though I truly hate that sad excuse of a secret I feel like we won’t be able to get anything better out of Annie’s lame ass so we should move on

 

**Annie:** you’d be correct

 

**Annie:** for once

 

**Ymir:** had to add that in there, didn’t you

 

**Annie:** of course!

 

**Mikasa:** I have a six-pack

 

**Ymir:** of beer? BRING IT OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Mikasa:** no of abs

 

**Historia:** sorry sweetie that is not a secret

 

**Mikasa:** but how would you guys know?

 

**Annie:** when you wear those tight t-shirts we can clearly tell

 

**Ymir:** yeah trust her she’s an expert

 

**Mikasa:** why didn’t anyone say anything?

 

**Annie:** what the hell would we say to you?? “nice abs?”

 

**Sasha:** Mikasa, we need a different secret from you.

 

**Mikasa:** fine, give me a moment to think

 

**Ymir:** meanwhile lets talk about how Annie’s roommate trashes their room and it’s hilarious

 

**Annie:** Hitch? She’s wild. We don’t talk much because she’s always out doing stuff and I’m not

 

**Ymir:** relatable

 

**Historia:** how is that relatable you’re always in my room with me

 

**Ymir:** I meant the wild part

 

**Historia:** oh. Then yes

 

**Mikasa:** okay I have one

 

**Sasha:** AHH IM EXCITED

 

**Mikasa:** I once walked in on my brother jacking off

 

**Sasha:** IM NOT EXCITED ANYMORE

 

**Ymir:** oooooooooooooooooo

 

**Historia:** oh no :(

 

**Mikasa:** I wanted to die

 

**Annie:** that’s rough, buddy

 

**Sasha:** I’m scarred for life and it didn't even happen to me

 

**Ymir:** what did he do?

 

**Mikasa:** he didn’t see me. The door was like slightly open and I was about to go in, then I saw him and backed away quickly and never looked back

 

**Historia:** well thank god or I’d have some questions

 

**Ymir:** ugh. That’s terrible. Good thing Eren is so oblivious

 

**Mikasa:** yep. His oblivious-ness saved the situation from being worse than it already was

 

**Ymir:** but…if he didn’t notice you that means that he really must have been going at it

 

**Sasha:** YMIR

 

**Annie:** you find new ways to disgust me every day

 

**Ymir:** Hey, someone’s gotta do it

 

**Annie:** no

 

**Annie:** someone does not have to do that

 

**Sasha:** you guys we should really all do our homework now

 

**Historia:** agreed. We’ve wasted a lot of time

 

**Annie:** time with friends is never a wasted time

 

**Ymir:** wow. I agree with you for once

 

**Annie:** then I take it back

 

**Historia:** damn it we were THIS close to you guys having a clean, polite exchange

 

**Sasha:** one day, Historia, one day.

 

**Mikasa:** If everyone does their homework within the next hour I’ll check it over/proofread for free

 

**Sasha:** OMG OKAY BYE

 

**Historia:** BYE

 

**Ymir:** not about to pass up that offer…good FUCKIN BYE

 

**Annie:** I don’t need you to proofread my stuff

 

**Mikasa:** It’s not a requirement

 

**Annie:** then why’d you offer

 

**Mikasa:** because I love my friends

 

**Annie:** ew

 

**Annie:** wait even me?

 

**Mikasa:** go do your homework


	5. Lesbians!

_(In a separate private chat)_

**Ymir added Historia**

 

**Ymir changed the name of the private chat to Lesbians**

 

**Historia:** Of all the people in our friend group that need a private chat, we’re probably the ones who need it least

 

**Ymir:** I find it absolutely necessary

 

**Historia:** texting, calling and you being literally right in front of me rn aren’t enough?

 

**Ymir:** nope

 

**Historia:** clingy gf

 

**Ymir:** Hey you are too!!!! We’re just like…magnets, we’re stuck together

 

**Historia:** hm

 

**Historia:** but aren’t two magnets repelled away from each other?

 

**Historia:** more like, you’re a magnetic surface and I’m a magnet

 

**Ymir:** but see that’s less romantic and far less poetic

 

**Historia:** what can I say, I’m a realist

 

**Ymir:** nah you’re a dreamer

 

**Historia:** so are you!! ♡♡

 

**Ymir:** this is why we work so well together

 

**Historia:** so true. You’re the cherry to my pie

 

**Ymir:** is that a euphemism for taking your virginity

 

**Historia:**  omfg….no. but I love your perverted ass

 

**Historia:**  and tbh it can mean whatever you want it to mean because you’re so inventive and intellectual and it’s so hot

 

**Ymir:** ha omg, you flatter me so much. It’s a good thing I’m in the same room as you so I can kiss you

 

**Historia:** then kiss me

 

**Ymir:** that would require getting up

 

**Ymir:** so nvm

 

**Historia:** you know what I totally get it

 

**Historia:** you just owe me extra later

 

**Ymir:** oh I can totally arrange that

 

**Historia:** if we were in the gc right now Annie would be vomiting

 

**Ymir:** Annie would have probably left the chat entirely tbh

 

**Historia:** I’d convince her to come back, of course

 

**Ymir:** maybe. She only listens to Mikasa it seems

 

**Historia:** nah she listens to me too. Remember I orchestrated the banana bread thing

 

**Ymir:** oh shit that’s right. That was brilliant

 

**Ymir:** I love when you come up with secret plans to get our friends together, it’s so hot

 

**Historia:** does my plotting turn you on

 

**Ymir:** uh…yes yes yes yes

 

**Historia:** too bad neither of us will act on that because we’re too lazy to move

 

**Ymir:** it’s like we’re an old married couple

 

**Historia:** basically. All we have to do is apply for Medicaid together

 

**Ymir:** I don’t know shit about Medicaid

 

**Ymir:** isn’t that supposed to run out or something by the time we’re old

 

**Ymir:** or is that Medicare

 

**Historia:** what is the difference even?

 

**Historia:** also fuck them both I’m not wasting my life being a slave to corporate and pharmaceutical America I am going to dedicate my life to getting ANNIE AND MIKASA TOGETHER

 

**Ymir:** yes FUCK capitalism

 

**Ymir:** not as interested in the Mikasa Annie thing but if you’re into it I am too

 

**Historia:** um stop. You play into them all the time, you’re constantly exposing Annie on the gc

 

**Ymir:** okay I do want them together

 

**Historia:** this is your soft romantic side that only I get to see :)

 

**Ymir:** :o

 

**Historia:** I think Sasha mentioned she was gonna work on Mikasa. I’ll have to work on Annie

 

**Ymir:** Or I could

 

**Historia:** or not

 

**Ymir:** baby let me in on the plan :(

 

**Historia:** you’re cute but no

 

**Ymir:** fine I’ll just be supportive

 

**Historia:** you can help me plan, I’ll just execute it

 

**Ymir:** okay here’s step one. Let’s go into the gc and ask Annie what she finds hot in women

 

**Historia:** ymir NO

 

**Ymir:** YES

* * *

_(Back in the group chat)_

 

**Ymir:** Hey y’all bitches

 

**Ymir:** …

 

**Ymir:** hewwo?

 

**Historia:** h-hewwo…

 

**Historia:** this is your cute wittle wife speaking OwO

 

**Ymir:** *boops your nose*

 

**Historia:** *giggles*

 

**Ymir:** *grabs your ass*

 

**Historia:** o-oh!! Ymiwr, pwease be nice :3

 

**Ymir:** ^w^

 

**Historia:** nya!!

 

**Ymir:** hee hee…is any bowdy out dewe? We wiw send out a sewch pawty 0_o

 

**Historia:** u know sweetie…somewon is weading de messawges becuz it says “wead by one pewson”

 

**Annie:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DO YOU IDIOTS WANT

 

**Ymir:** I want your love and I want your revenge

 

**Historia:** you and me could write a bad romance

 

**Annie:** okay. Goodbye

 

**Ymir:** WAIT ANNIE

 

**Historia:** MS. ANNIE LEONHART

 

**Ymir:** I don’t think she’s coming back

 

**Historia:** that’s not very kawaii of her :(

 

**Ymir:** right? I think the other two are in class

 

**Historia:** so basically we could have kept this to our own chat

 

**Ymir:** basically. Why didn’t we again? What was our goal here?

 

**Historia:**  idk. Let’s go back to Lesbians

* * *

 

_(Lesbians private chat)_

 

**Ymir:** oh I just remembered. I was supposed to ask Annie what she found hot in a woman.

 

**Historia:** oh yeah. And i didn’t want you to do that. So this worked out in my favor

 

**Ymir:** as things usually do

 

**Historia:** hey. I keep my karma in balance

 

**Ymir:** you gotta put good vibes into the world because that shit comes back to you

 

**Historia:** that’s right! At least, usually. Sometimes you have to be a bitch because people are assholes

 

**Ymir:** yeah I take that route most of the time

 

**Historia:** and how’s that working out for you

 

**Ymir:** pretty well, so far. I mean I’ve got you, I’ve got my health, what more could I ask for

 

**Historia:** hm. Maybe I should be a bitch more often

 

**Ymir:** I fully support this idea mostly because bitch!Historia is hot

 

**Historia:** I’m screaming at the exclamation point

* * *

 

_(hours later, in the group chat Mikasa is the first one to backread up until the latest message, which was Historia’s “Let’s go back to Lesbians” from earlier)_

 

**Mikasa:** Let’s go back to Lesbians? What does that even mean

 

**Historia:** it means giwls who wike odda giwls pussy uwu

 

**Ymir:** we wuv pussy. Yum-oh! *dances*

 

**Annie:** for Christ’s sake Mikasa don’t EVER engage Ymir  & Historia

 

**Sasha:** and there’s rule three of the chat ladies  & gents ✌️

 


	6. Bon Voyage, Pretty Pumpkin

**Sasha:** you know what I find so weird

 

**Sasha:** is that I am a fine cuisine connoisseur yet I have no qualms about scarfing down a poorly made lukewarm burger from a fast food place

 

**Sasha:** what does this say about me?

 

**Annie:** that you have low standards

 

**Historia:** that you have an affinity for all types of food! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

 

**Sasha:** I’m going with Historia’s answer :p

 

**Annie:** typical example of people not being able to handle the truth

 

**Mikasa:** I can handle the truth.

 

**Ymir:** okay. Truth or dare?

 

**Mikasa:** truth.

 

**Annie:** obviously

 

**Sasha:** OMG TRUTH OR DARE YASSS

 

**Ymir:** what’s the dirtiest thought you’ve ever had about Annie?

 

**Historia:** YMIR

 

**Mikasa:** Annie is never dirty. She always smells quite nice

 

**Ymir:** okay I don’t know what I was expecting but that was cute I’ll admit

 

**Historia:** d’awww (´ ε ` )♡

 

**Mikasa:** I was just pointing out a fact not trying to be cute

 

**Annie:** stop romanticizing us you assholes

 

**Annie:** Mikannie is not real

 

**Ymir:** YOU GAVE YOURSELF A FUCKIN SHIP NAME

 

**Sasha:** ……………………………………………………………….IM HERE FOR IT

 

**Historia:** omg I want a ship name!!!

 

**Mikasa:** Historia/Ymir

 

**Ymir:** good

 

**Historia:** no

 

**Historia:** how about Ymiria

 

**Annie:** no that sounds like an STD

 

**Sasha:** ok how about Histomir

 

**Annie:** still an STD

 

**Ymir:** we don’t need a ship name because we’re canon and Mikannie is not so we don’t have to worry about such frivolous things, fit for peasants only

 

**Mikasa:** Should I ask the next truth or dare question?

 

**Ymir:** yup. Anyone you want

 

**Mikasa:** okay.

 

**Mikasa:** Sasha, truth or dare?

 

**Sasha:** DARE

 

**Ymir:** I knew you’d be the first dumbass to say dare

 

**Annie:** how are you gonna do a dare through a gc

 

**Historia:** you get creative

 

**Mikasa:** I dare you to send us a funny picture of Conny

 

**Ymir:** NO SHE’S GONNA SEND A DICK PIC

 

**Sasha:** why would I do that??? You’re the resident perv here, not me!!

 

**Annie:** im sorry to be frank but none of us want to see any kind of picture of Conny. Your dare is shit Mikasa

 

**Mikasa:** well I didn’t know what to say, Annie.

 

**Ymir:** why do you guys always sound like a married couple quarreling

 

**Historia:** bc that’s what they are

 

**Sasha:** here’s a funny Conny pic

 

**Ymir:** …

 

**Ymir:** does he…does he have a dick shaved onto the side of his head

 

**Sasha:** yep

 

**Sasha:** it wasn’t funny for him at the time but I was dying. Courtesy of a drunken night at Jean’s

 

**Annie:** so you kind of technically sent us a dick pic

 

**Sasha:** yes, but in a wholesome way

 

**Ymir:** I never thought I’d see “wholesome” used as a way to describe a dick pic

 

**Historia:** this gc is wild

 

**Sasha:** STAYING ON TARGET GUYS, Annie: truth or dare?

 

**Annie:** pass

 

**Ymir:** PICK ONE

 

**Historia:** BINCH

 

**Annie:** don’t be a pussy. Just call me a straight up bitch

 

**Ymir:** bitch

 

**Sasha:** bitch

 

**Historia:** bitch

 

**Ymir:** Mikasa keep it going

 

**Mikasa:** I’m not calling her a bitch

 

**Ymir:** b o r I n g

 

**Mikasa:** r u d e

 

**Sasha:** OHHHHHHHHHHH

 

**Historia:** DAMN YMIR GOT SHUT DOWN

 

**Annie:** Ymir is cancelled

 

**Ymir:** I’m not even mad

 

**Ymir:** im proud

 

**Sasha:** her studies are coming along quite nicely :)

 

**Sasha:** now Annie: truth or dare

 

**Annie:** god. Truth

 

**Ymir:** how come you wear the same damn hoodie all the time

 

**Annie:** YOU ARE NOT ASKING THE QUESTION

 

**Sasha:** What would you do on your dream date?

 

**Annie:** come on

 

**Historia:** answer

 

**Annie:** you had the chance to ask me something cool like “if there was a fight to the death amongst the gc who would come out on top” and you didn’t take it

 

**Ymir:** she doesn’t have to. It’s obviously Mikasa

 

**Annie:** no, it’s me.

 

**Historia:** no, it’s Mikasa

 

**Annie:** sasha? What do you say?

 

**Sasha:** I say answer my original question

 

**Annie:** GOD okay fine. My dream date would start out as a rainy day, getting coffee. Then the day gets nicer so a walk would be in order. Then go home and watch a movie and order takeout. My date would need to have gorgeous blue eyes and be blonde, with excellent taste in clothing and music.

 

**Annie:** that’s me btw

 

**Ymir:** is it? I don’t recall you ever having excellent taste in clothing or music

 

**Historia:** dating yourself is not allowed. We’ll just take what you said before that and cancel the rest. Thanks Annie for participating!!

 

**Annie:** gross

 

**Sasha:** now you ask someone Annie!

 

**Annie:** Historia. Truth or dare?

 

**Historia:** Dare!

 

**Annie:** why must you make my life difficult

 

**Historia:** (。^_・)ノ

 

**Annie:** I dare you to punch Ymir

 

**Historia:** by punch do you mean kiss? Okay!!

 

**Annie:** no I meant punch but ok

 

**Ymir:** mission accomplished

 

**Ymir:** there was tongue

 

**Annie:** did we ask?

 

**Ymir:** no but I’m telling

 

**Ymir:** and you’re a captive audience

 

**Annie:** no I could leave at any time

 

**Ymir:** yet you’re still here

 

**Historia:** omg, is Ymir the only one left? YAY!!

 

**Historia:** pretty pumpkin, truth or dare?

 

**Annie:** sorry there is nobody by the name of pretty pumpkin here

 

**Pretty pumpkin:** Yes there is

 

**Annie:** WTF????

 

**Pretty pumpkin:** It’s me, Mikasa. I changed my name. Sasha taught me how yesterday and said to use the feature liberally for comedic purposes

 

**Sasha:** LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER GO

 

**Annie:** change it back I hate it

 

**Pretty pumpkin:** no

 

**Ymir:** OMGGGG MIKASA IS SAVAGE

 

**Historia:** BITCH IS SERVING

 

**Annie:** ….

 

**Sasha:** Mikannie is dead Pumpkannie rise

 

**Historia:** YESSSSSS

 

**Ymir:** I SHIP IT

 

**Annie:** I don’t

 

**Ymir:** TOO BAD

****

**_Pretty pumpkin left the chat._ **

****

**Sasha:** OMG WHAT?? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Historia:** BRING HER BACK

 

**Ymir:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Annie:** everyone chill out

 

**Sasha:** omg Mikasa just texted me

 

**Sasha:** she said when she went to change her name back she accidentally left the chat

 

**Annie:** don’t let her back

 

**Ymir:** like you wouldn’t become all emo and depressed if she didn’t come back

 

**Annie:** I wouldn’t

 

**Historia:** the gc is cancelled until Mikasa comes back everyone stfu

 

* * *

 

_(In a separate private chat)_

**Pretty pumpkin added Annie.**

**Pretty pumpkin changed the name of the private chat to Private Chat.**

 

**Pretty pumpkin:** Annie?

 

**Annie:** I’m not talking to you till you change the name back

 

**Pretty pumpkin:** oh. Right

 

**Mikasa:** okay it’s changed

 

**Annie:** why did you make a private chat for us

 

**Mikasa:** because I thought it was a good time since I was experimenting with settings and stuff

 

**Mikasa:** I wanted to try and create a private chat

 

**Annie:** well. You did it

 

**Mikasa:** yep. I also wanted to ask you something

 

**Annie:** as long as its not perverted go for it

 

**Mikasa:** lol. I’m not Ymir

 

**Annie:** LMFAO see this is my type of humor

 

**Mikasa:** glad I could make you laugh

 

**Mikasa:** wait, did you really laugh?

 

**Annie:** I like, chuckled a little

 

**Mikasa:** okay. Bc sometimes I actually laugh a little out loud. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just me

 

**Annie:** no I do that too

 

**Mikasa:** Okay. So I wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out sometime

 

**Mikasa:** sometime soon

 

**Annie:** really?

 

**Annie:** this isn’t a dare or anything, is it?

 

**Mikasa:** no. I just want to hang out with you

 

**Annie:** what did you have in mind?

 

**Mikasa:** I want to make you dinner and then go see a movie with you

 

**Annie:** hm

 

**Annie:** Let me check if I’m free

 

**Annie:** I’m free

 

**Mikasa:** lol that didn’t take long

 

**Annie:** nope because I don’t have any plans. Ever. Lmao so I’m down

 

**Mikasa:** okay. How about tomorrow?

 

**Annie:** tomorrow sounds perfect

 

**Annie:** now we should probably get back to the gc because they were flipping shit when you left

 

**Mikasa:** okay!

* * *

 

_(Back in the Bad Girls Club group chat)_

 

**Annie:** back

 

**Mikasa:** hello

 

**Historia:** THEY CAME BACK AT THE SAME TIME

 

**Ymir:** THEY WERE HAVING SEX

 

**Sasha:** RIP PRETTY PUMPKIN

 

**Annie:** I’m gonna ignore all those messages and ask if you guys finished truth or dare in the meantime

 

**Sasha:** we did actually. Historia asked Ymir truth or dare and Ymir said truth.

 

**Sasha:** Historia then asked Ymir what her favorite feature was about her and she said her ass

 

**Sasha:** the end

 

**Ymir:** and I was joking I’m not that superficial

 

**Ymir:** you do have a nice ass though Historia

 

**Historia:** ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

 

**Annie:** glad that game is done

 

**Historia:** did someone say round 2?

 

**Ymir:** I WANT ROUND 2

 

**Round 2:** Here I am!

 

**Annie:**  I-

 

**Sasha:** okay

 

**Sasha:** Mikasa we’re gonna have to cut back on the name changing thing

 

**Round 2:** aw. i was just starting to get the hang of it

 


	7. Pizza Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 100 kudos guys. It makes me so happy to see that you are enjoying this shitstorm. Thank you for reading, commenting and staying with me on this wild ride

**Sasha:** Who wants to have a party tonight?

 

 **Historia:** me

 

 **Mikasa:** where?

 

 **Sasha:**  Historia's dorm room. (I'm volunteering you girlie i like your room better)

 

 **Ymir:** I was waiting for someone to say “in her pants” after Mikasa asked “where” and no one did it. No one fucking did it

 

 **Annie:** that’s why they need us here, Ymir.

 

 **Ymir:** We’re good for something, after all.

 

 **Historia:** no one said “in her pants” because we are all mature adults here unlike you guys

 

 **Historia:** and Sasha YES to my room. Ymir is already here bc she is homeless just like her friend Annie

 

 **Ymir:** oo. Harsh words

 

 **Annie:** that’d hurt me if I took you seriously, which I definitely don’t. ever

 

 **Historia:** you’re not invited then.

 

 **Annie:** whatever

 

 **Sasha:** ? are you guys legit pissed at each other

 

 **Historia:** yep. Annie and Ymir can have their own party with pot brownies or whatever they fuck they do and we can all be intellectuals over a bottle of wine and pizza

 

 **Mikasa:** sounds good. What time?

 

 **Ymir:** EXCUSE ME??? WHAT DID I DO?!!

 

 **Annie:** wtf I don’t want to be stuck with Ymir

 

 **Sasha:** did you guys hear something?

 

 **Historia:** nope.

 

 **Mikasa:** nope

 

 **Annie:** stfu Mikasa

 

 **Sasha:** Annie you are so feisty today

 

 **Historia:** *bitchy

 

 **Historia:** go make pot brownies

 

 **Ymir:** I don’t have any pot

 

 **Annie:** I don’t either

 

 **Annie:** I don’t even fucking smoke

 

 **Annie:** so that was a rude ass assumption, Historia

 

 **Historia:** Girls not named Ymir and Annie, what toppings would you like on the pizza? I’m ordering, I can get a discount from the pizza guy bc he knows me.

 

 **Ymir:** knows you how

 

 **Sasha:** sausage, pepperoni, mushroom, onion

 

 **Ymir:** KNOWS YOU HOW

 

 **Mikasa:** black olives

 

 **Annie:** disgusting

 

 **Ymir:** what about green peppers?

 

 **Historia:** So a large with sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, onions and black olives, got it. Do you guys want breadsticks too?

 

 **Annie:** yes

 

 **Ymir:** yes

 

 **Historia:** no breadsticks? Okay sounds good. I’ll call it in rn

 

 **Ymir:** Historia what did I do to you

 

 **Annie:** stop pandering to her, she’s such a fucking princess

 

 **Ymir:** nah she’s a queen

 

 **Historia:** okay Ymir you’re back in, I’ve added green peppers to the pizza and ordered breadsticks as well.

 

 **Annie:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

 

 **Ymir:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ILY

 

 **Historia:** :)

 

 **Sasha:** nice Ymir

 

 **Annie:** this is literally so gross I’m not about to kiss Historia’s ass just to get a fucking pizza I can order myself

 

 **Historia:** Great! Do it then.

 

 **Annie:** Ymir, you’re really gonna leave me hanging like this?

 

 **Ymir:** I’m sorry dude

 

 **Ymir:** I’m whipped

 

 **Annie:** ugh

 

 **Annie:** whatever

 

 **Sasha:** YOU GUYS LETS ALL MAKE UP

 

 **Ymir:**   I read that as make out for a second and I was like yes

 

 **Historia:** maybe if Annie apologizes for insulting me first.

 

 **Annie:** literally how did I insult you

 

 **Mikasa:** Here’s the screenshot

 

 **Annie:** …

 

 **Annie:** you’re pissed because I said I don’t ever take you seriously?

 

 **Historia:** yep. And then you told Mikasa to stfu

 

 **Annie:** okay but I also do that stuff all the time

 

 **Historia:** one time too many today

 

 **Sasha:** guys stop I’m crying :(

 

 **Ymir:** yeah its annoying when you’re fighting

 

 **Ymir:** only Annie and I can fight

 

 **Annie:** don’t act like you weren’t in the same boat as me just moments ago

 

 **Ymir:** I don’t like to dwell on the past

 

 **Mikasa:** I have an idea

 

 **Sasha:** !!!!!!!!!

 

 **Mikasa:** we all eat pizza together and talk about what’s stressing us out. Figure out why this little fight happened and then get drunk together

 

 **Sasha:** you, my friend, are always full of great ideas and this is no exception

 

 **Sasha:** aka I love it and support it

 

 **Historia:** idk

 

 **Annie:** no thanks I don’t feel like getting bitched out by Historia irl too

 

 **Ymir:** okay ladies. You know what? You both need to agree to take it to a private chat. You’re cramping my style

 

 **Annie:** style? You? Nah. Not a thing

 

 **Mikasa:** do it, Annie.

 

 **Annie:** ugh.

 

 **Annie:** fine

 

 **Ymir:** And you, Historia?

 

 **Ymir:** love of my life?

 

 **Ymir:** the top to my bottom?

 

 **Sasha:** wait you’re a bottom???

 

 **Annie:** okay GOOD FUCKIN BYE

* * *

  _(In a separate private chat)_

 

**Annie added Historia**

 

**Annie changed the name of the private chat to Stop Being Mad At Me.**

**Annie:** so

 

 **Historia:** .

 

 **Annie:** I don’t usually talk things out

 

 **Annie:** but I’ll make an exception for you

 

 **Historia:** .

 

 **Annie:** :/

 

 **Historia:** …

 

 **Annie:** okay fine. I’ll speak your language

 

 **Annie:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Historia:** hm

 

 **Annie:** ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

 

 **Historia:** ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

 

 **Annie:** oh nice. Real nice

 

 **Annie:** tell me whats wrong or else (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

 

 **Historia:** I already told you whats wrong

 

 **Annie:** okay I know it’s more than that. You’re usually not this petty

 

 **Historia:** If I tell you, you will make fun of me

 

 **Annie:** what if I promise not to

 

 **Historia:** I need collateral

 

 **Annie:** okay.

 

 **Annie:** if I go back on my promise of not making fun of you for whatever you’re about to tell me, then you can go in the gc and tell everyone about my crush on Mikasa.

 

 **Historia:** you sure about that?

 

 **Annie:** yep.

 

 **Annie:** I don’t make promises I can’t keep.

 

 **Annie:** for the most part

 

 **Historia:** okay. well

 

 **Historia:** it’s hard to even type this, but…I failed my History final.

 

 **Annie:**   oh. And you’re pissy and took it out on me. I get it.

 

 **Historia:** I am sorry though. I know you don’t mean your teasing. I was just agitated that I let myself down like that…I studied really hard

 

 **Historia:** and also I’m on my period which makes me grumpy

 

 **Annie:** okay I don’t blame you at all. Periods suck ass

 

 **Historia:** FOR REAL

 

 **Historia:** I feel sore and I just want carbs

 

 **Annie:** good thing you are getting pizza then

 

 **Annie:** also honestly don’t even feel bad about this whole thing bc I totally get it

 

 **Annie:** when I’m on my period I feel like the embodiment of death and I’m extra hostile to everyone so I understand

 

 **Historia:**  ❤

 

 **Historia:**  so you’re invited to the pizza party now. I’ll order a cheese pizza for you bc I know that’s your favorite

 

 **Historia:** and here, a peace offering

 

 **Historia:** ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )

 

 **Annie:** that’s the peace offering?

 

 **Annie:** I think $10 in cash might get me more in the forgiving mood

 

 **Historia:** what if I told you I love you and I’ll give you a big hug when I see you :3

 

 **Annie:** the emoji will be fine, thank you apology accepted

 

 **Annie:** but seriously it’s all good. I wasn’t even mad just concerned so it’s whatever

 

 **Historia:** yay!!! God a weight feels like it was lifted from my chest I hate being mad at my friends

 

 **Annie:** “friends” is a stretch

 

 **Historia:** love u too :)

 

 **Annie:** btw…it’s kinda ironic that a girl named Historia failed her History final

 

 **Historia:** ANNIE LEONHART YOU JUST WENT BACK ON YOUR PROMISE AND I’VE NOW GOT PIPING HOT TEA TO SPILL

 

 **Annie:** OH FUCK WAIT NO

 

 **Annie:** HISTORIA NO

 

* * *

 

 

_(back in the Bad Girls Club group chat)_

 

 **Historia:** ANNIE IS MADLY AND SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH MIKASA AND HAS BEEN FOR YEARS

 

 **Sasha:** OMGGGGGGGGGGG WHAAAAAAAA?????????????????????????/

 

 **Sasha:** I mean we pretty much already knew that but WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **Ymir:** yoooooooooooooooooo

 

 **Ymir:** I mean I obviously knew this too but I didn’t think it’d come out like this damn

 

 **Annie:** it’s a fuckin lie

 

 **Annie:** she’s an unreliable narrator don’t trust the bitch!!!!!!!

 

 **Mikasa:** Hm. Interesting

 

 **Sasha:** ASDKLASLDALJKJLSKDJK

 

 **Ymir:** don’t you guys have a date tonight

 

 **Ymir:** be sure to tell me the details after you fuck

 

 **Historia:** use protection

 

 **Sasha:** and wait till you’re back at Mikasa’s don’t do it at the movie theater be classy

 

 **Mikasa:** we’re actually not having sex tonight. And it’s not a date.

 

 **Ymir:** damn. Sorry, Annie

 

 **Annie:** shut the hell up. Also the hangout is tomorrow night FYI. dumbasses

 

 **Mikasa:** we’re just going to a movie and having dinner is all

 

 **Ymir:** sure about that?

 

 **Mikasa:** As far as I’m aware.

 

 **Historia:** lovebirds and beautiful Sasha meet me at my dorm room in 15 minutes the pizza is on it’s way. Or come earlier :0

 

 **Sasha:** okay! :p I’ll head over now. Mikasa can go pick up Annie

 

 **Annie:** am I a fuckin child? I can walk to Historia’s dorm myself thank you

 

 **Historia:** Don’t act like you don’t want Mikasa escorting you over here

 

 **Ymir:** don’t act like you’re not scrambling to look presentable rn bc she’s probably on her way over and you’re still in your barbecue chip dust stained old hoodie

 

 **Annie:** WTF. Historia you suck and Ymir you suck the most Sasha I am stealing ALL the Little Debbie shit from your cabinets

 

 **Sasha:** WHAT WHY DO I GET PUNISHED

 

 **Annie:** because last time I went into Historia’s room to steal I walked in on her and Ymir fucking so I’m not doing that again

 

 **Sasha:** ah fuck. How about I just give you some instead of you stealing…

 

 **Annie:** Do you have Zebra Cakes and blueberry mini muffins?

 

 **Sasha:** I do. and I'll throw in a Cosmic Brownie

 

 **Annie:** then deal

 

 **Ymir:** hey, I want some fuckin Little Debbie snacks

 

 **Annie:** buy some yourself bitch

 

 **Historia:** I’ll buy some Honey Buns for my honey bun

 

 **Historia:** (°◡°♡).:｡

 

 **Annie:** is it taking a shit?

 

 **Mikasa:** Annie, I’ll be in front of your door in 2 minutes. Leaving now

 

 **Ymir:** better go take a quick shower Annie. Don’t think you have in a while

 

 **Annie:** better go eat shit

 

 **Ymir:** hm. I must have struck a nerve :)

 

 **Historia:** you guys wanna do pedicures

 

 **Ymir:** yes

 

 **Annie:** says the girl with a foot fetish

 

 **Ymir:** I don’t have a fucking foot fetish

 

 **Annie:** hm. Sounds fake but okay

 

 **Ymir:** troll

 

 **Sasha:** I’ll bring my pumice stone!!

 

 **Ymir:** what the hell is that for

 

 **Historia:** to get rid of dry skin!! :)

 

 **Ymir:** oh can it be used on someone’s face?

 

 **Ymir:** specifically Annie Leonhart’s face

 

 **Mikasa:** Annie I’m in front of your door

 

 **Annie:** K I’m coming

 

 **Ymir:** get used to those words Mikasa. You’ll be hearing them a lot tomorrow night

 

 **Historia:** LMAO!! Oh my gosh. Ymir, she is going to be so mad when she gets here and backreads that message

 

 **Annie:** I already read it. We’re in the elevator. I’m just not taking the bait

 

 **Sasha:** Annie get off your phone while Mikasa is with you that’s rude

 

 **Mikasa:** I don’t mind. I can admire her side profile this way

 

 **Annie:** Mikasa wtf :(

 

 **Ymir:** #whipped

 

 **Historia:** wow I love girlfriends

 

 **Annie:** NOT. GIRLFRIENDS

 

 **Annie:** oh we’re here btw

 

 **Annie:** omg there’s this big sweaty blond man barreling towards us

 

 **Annie:** He’s looking at Mikasa’s ass

 

 **Annie:** He’s looking at MY ass

 

 **Annie:** I’m gonna kill him

 

 **Annie:** OMG HE’S GETTING CLOSER AND HE’S NOT STOPPING

 

 **Sasha:** GET IN THE FUCKIGN ROOM DON’T STAND THERE TEXTING US

 

 **Sasha:** YOU COULD DIE

 

 **Annie:** AHHH HIS T SHIRT SAYS “COLOSSAL DICK” AND HE’S CARRYING A BUNCH OF BOXES

 

 **Annie:** IT COULD BE FULL OF ANTHRAX IDK

 

 **Annie:** MIKASA HAS HER KNIFE OUT

 

 **Annie:** HE’S TRYING TO TALK TO ME

 

 **Annie:** THIS COULD BE MY LAST MOMENT ON THIS EARTH AND I’M GONNA FIGHT TILL MY LAST BREATH GET READY TO GET FUCKED UP MAN ILY GUYS

 

 **Ymir:** OH MY GOD ANNIE!!! DON’T LEAVE ME ON THIS SHITTY EARTH ALONE!! I’M COMING OUT THERE

 

 **Historia:** wait hold on a second. Does he have a name tag on?

 

 **Mikasa:** He does and it says Reiner.

 

 **Ymir:** I JUST THREW A FULL GLASS OF HAWAIIAN PUNCH IN HIS FACE FOR TRYING TO KILL MY BEST FRIENDS

 

 **Historia:** WHAT THE FUCK?? oh my fucking god. That’s the pizza guy you dumbasses!!!!!

 

 **Sasha:** uh

 

 **Ymir:** oh fuck

 

 **Annie:** are you serious.

 

 **Sasha:** ...

 

 **Sasha:** we better leave a damn good tip

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...happy end of the summer semester for those in college courses :p  
> What's everyone's favorite little debbie snack??


	8. Mom!Annie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This quick little chapter takes place right after the last one. post pizza party, if you will.

**Ymir:** that pizzal prbl y wldve been better IF it wasn’t soaked in hawwin pnch

 

 **Historia:** yourr fault

 

 **Sasha:** is an1 her sober

 

 **Mikasa:** nah

 

 **Annie:** I am. I am literally the only fucking sober one right now because I did not bring my own alcohol

 

 **Annie:** and all Historia had was fucking WINE COOLERS and PEACH FUCKING SCHNAPPS

 

 **Mikasa:** yup right on

 

 **Annie:** I’m disappointed in you I thought you had better taste

 

 **Mikasa:** rly cuz im disspointed that u aren’t here kissing me rn hm

 

 **Sasha:** damn gurl imma gve u somme peach schnips more often

 

 **Ymir:** I just got bck from vomiting going to bed gn

 

 **Annie:** I’m only sticking around to see if you guys will say any stupid shit I can screenshot

 

 **Annie:** but if it gets boring im going to bed

 

 **Annie:** its fuckin hella cramped in here too Historia wtf

 

 **Historia:** take nap and sleep on mika

 

 **Historia:** sa

 

 **Mikasa:** yup

 

 **Sasha:** hm I feel the sky moving

 

 **Annie:** really? Tell me more

 

 **Sasha:** im lyin here and it’s just WOOSH

 

 **Annie:** huh.

 

 **Annie:** Mikasa do you think I’m hot?

 

 **Ymir:** u ass. U woullllllllllllllld take advtge of her drunk to ask shit lke that

 

 **Annie:** hey I thought you were going to bed

 

 **Ymir:** ur phone screem

 

 **Ymir:** is too fukcing bright

 

 **Ymir:** so no

 

 **Mikasa:** ann you are very prity

 

 **Ymir:** ANN

 

 **Historia:** PRTIY Ymir is prity too

 

 **Ymir:** thank u

 

 **Sasha:** gn losers thnks for it all

 

 **Annie:** wtf

 

 **Annie:** you guys are boring drunks

 

 **Annie:** give me some material

 

 **Annie:** I need receipts to clock your sober asses with

 

 **Historia:** u don’t care about gosip so no

 

 **Historia:** my mouth is dry

 

 **Annie:** I’ll get you some water.

 

 **Annie:** anyone else need anything? You get one chance.

 

 **Mikasa:** Baijiu

 

 **Annie:** nope sorry you are not getting strong Chinese liquor next

 

 **Ymir:** I want. blonde hair. .

 

 **Annie:** I’m not fucking Santa Claus. Next

 

 **Ymir:** SANTA??

 

 **Historia:** ANNIE IS. SATAN?

 

 **Ymir:** OmG

 

 **Mikasa:** imma sit ON sntas LAP

 

 **Annie:** listen. You’re all getting one more bathroom trip and then everyone’s going to be tucked in with a fresh water bottle. I’ll make waffles tomorrow morning. and jsyk I'm making them because I want them. not to be nice or anything 

 

 **Ymir:** I luv my mom

 

 **Historia:** mommy

 

 **Mikasa:** I’ll mke YUO A waffle

 

 **Annie:** no you’re gonna have a bad hangover and you’ll barely be able to open you eyes in sunlight. I’m making the waffles.

 

 **Sasha:** its in these monents that we know u care

 

 **Sasha:** *monuments

 

 **Sasha:** *moments

 

 **Sasha:** jesus

 

 **Annie:**  I thought you were sleeping.

 

 **Sasha:** yeah I was im going back now gn

 

 **Annie:** Ymir, let’s go to the bathroom

 

 **Ymir:** no I pissed myself

 

 **Annie:** no... I’d smell it if you did you’re not even six feet away from me

 

 **Ymir:** sure. Think what u wnna thinnk

 

 **Annie:** Historia? Want to go to the bathroom?

 

 **Ymir:** she’s sleeping shut fuck up

 

 **Annie:** k. I’ll "shut fuck up"

 

 **Annie:** Mikasa?

 

 **Mikasa:** hey. Whatever u wnt

 

 **Annie:** I want to go to bed. So the sooner you all are comfortable and quiet the sooner I can do that.

 

 **Mikasa:** whatever u wnt

 

 **Annie:** -_-

 

 **Mikasa:** I just lov u so much okay???????????????????????????????

 

 **Annie:** I’ll believe it when you’re sober.

 

 **Annie:** okay, I’m taking Mikasa to the bathroom. Everyone else, when I come back phones better be off and eyes better be closed and you all better be ASLEEP

 

 **Ymir:** YS’R

 

 **Annie:** I’ll take that as a yes

 

 **Ymir:** goodnight pumpkannie

 

 **Annie:** god.

 

 **Annie:** goodnight

 

 **Annie:** dumbass

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a note: idk how dorm rooms are around the world and i suppose it can vary from campus to campus, but my experience with dorms was that there was a like a cluster of rooms and a separate, shared bathroom that you had to leave your room and walk to. That's why Annie is offering to take them (so they don't fall or something) just for context.


	9. What is the truth?

**Sasha:** ladies

 

 **Sasha:** serious question

 

 **Sasha:** should I dye my hair?

 

 **Historia:** YES

 

 **Ymir:** It depends what color we’re talking.

 

 **Historia:** BLONDE PLS

 

 **Sasha:** OMG YES!! But no. I was thinking a darker shade of brown

 

 **Ymir:** YES

 

 **Historia:** YES

 

 **Sasha:** really??

 

 **Historia:** YESSSSSSSSSS

 

 **Ymir:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

 **Sasha:** okay I’ll do it :)

 

 **Sasha:** Conny is going to be so shocked but in a good way

 

 **Ymir:** better be in a good way. Or else he is going to be swallowing my fist

 

 **Historia:** don’t act tough Ymir. You just freaked out about a spider in the bathroom

 

 **Historia:** tripped over the roll of toilet paper

 

 **Historia:** and cut yourself on the corner of the door

 

 **Ymir:** don’t expose me :(

 

 **Sasha:** lmaoo omg

 

 **Sasha:** you guys are literally together all the time

 

 **Sasha:** do you ever annoy each other?

 

 **Historia:** no

 

 **Ymir:** yes

 

 **Ymir:** I MEAN NO

 

 **Historia:** that’s what I thought.

 

 **Historia:** (^_−)☆

 

 **Ymir:** I feel like a parasite that’s always attached to her. In the most loving way

 

 **Historia:** that is the most UN-romantic thing I’ve ever heard

 

 **Historia:** I love it

 

 **Sasha:** wild

 

 **Sasha:** Conny and I are like that too. As in like, not getting annoyed with each other. Not the parasite thing

 

 **Sasha:** I wonder if Mikasa and Annie get annoyed at each other

 

 **Ymir:** they don’t. any bitchiness is for show. They’re so whipped

 

 **Historia:** I wonder how their date is going

 

 **Ymir:** the date that they claim is not a date

 

 **Historia:** right? Like just say you’re in love and you’re girlfriends already

 

 **Sasha:** they’re getting there. I’ve been in talks with Mikasa to make a move for awhile

 

 **Historia:** and I’ve been not-so-subtly forcing Annie into situations where she has to confront her feelings for Mikasa so…we’re amazing friends basically

 

 **Ymir:** good. Someone needs to light a fire under their asses or they’d never get together on their own

 

 **Sasha:** dummies

 

 **Historia:** loveable fools

 

 **Ymir:** dumbass idiots

 

 **Annie:** you guys know we can read that shit, right? You’re not in a private chat.

 

 **Ymir:** oh, we know.

 

 **Historia:** ANNIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

 

 **Annie:** waiting for Mikasa to come back with our popcorn for the movie

 

 **Ymir:** you asshole!! You made her get the popcorn???

 

 **Annie:** NO!! jesus. She insisted. I paid for the movie. Get off my ass

 

 **Historia:** are you gonna make a move during the movie

 

 **Annie:** fuck no. we go to movies to watch them not to grope each other

 

 **Ymir:** who said anything about groping. Perverted ass

 

 **Sasha:** what movie are you guys seeing? :) and how was dinner?

 

 **Annie:** dinner was amazing. God-tier stuff that Ymir could only dream of making and will never be lucky enough to consume. Mikasa is a culinary goddess

 

 **Annie:** and we’re seeing a musical

 

 **Ymir:** YOU FUCKING SAPS

 

 **Ymir:** YOU ACT LIKE TOUGH BITCHES BUT YOU’RE SEEING A MUSICAL

 

 **Historia:** Ymir it’s cute!!!!

 

 **Sasha:** for real that’s adorable omggg

 

 **Ymir:** lameeeeeeee

 

 **Historia:** bitch you sing songs from Hairspray in the shower every day

 

 **Ymir:** HISTORIA

 

 **Annie:** OMFG WHAT

 

 **Sasha:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DYING

 

 **Ymir:** MY OWN GIRLFRIEND BETRAYS ME LIKE THIS

 

 **Historia:** it had to be done

 

 **Ymir:** no

 

 **Annie:** yes

 

 **Annie:** okay Mikasa is back so goodbye losers

 

 **Sasha:** goodbye and good luck!!!! Tell us more later!!! :p

 

 **Ymir:** do we really care though

 

 **Historia:** uh YES we do!!

 

 **Ymir:** do you think they are going to have sex later tonight

 

 **Ymir:** or in the movie theater

 

 **Sasha:** YMIR NO

 

 **Historia:** I think they will

 

 **Ymir:** let’s take bets

 

 **Ymir:** I bet $69 they will

 

 **Historia:** I see what you did there

 

 **Historia:** I bet $0

 

 **Sasha:** I bet $70 that they won’t

 

 **Ymir:** the bet is on

 

 **Historia:** you guys are dumb, even if they will they won’t tell us because you (Ymir) blow stuff out of proportion

 

 **Ymir:** says the girl who uses extravagant and extra emojis at least 10 times a day

 

 **Historia:** ☆｡ﾟ+.(人-ω◕ฺ)ﾟ+.ﾟ

 

 **Sasha:** they won’t do it. it’s too early

 

 **Ymir:** yeah but they’ve been pining forever

 

 **Historia:** I feel like it’s wrong to be betting on our close friends’ sex lives

 

 **Ymir:** you’re betting $0, stop

 

 **Historia:** no

 

 **Sasha:** I stand by my bet. And I gotta do homework now so I’m leaving. When I come back, have your money ready Ymir

 

 **Ymir:** we’ll see

 

 **Historia:** (⌐■_■)

 

* * *

 

(a few hours later)

 

 **Mikasa:** we’re home everyone

 

 **Ymir:** congrats how was the sex

 

 **Mikasa:** good

 

 **Annie:** WE DID NOT. HAVE. SEX.

 

 **Historia:** why did Mikasa say good then??

 

 **Mikasa:** misread

 

 **Sasha:** MIKASA ACKERMAN. I CAN’T LOSE $70 LIKE THIS GET THE STORY STRAIGHT

 

 **Annie:** you guys are sick fucks for betting on us. But I’m always here for an opportunity to see Ymir lose money. Sasha wins, nothing happened

 

 **Ymir:** MIKASA SAID GOOD

 

 **Mikasa:** I responded without thinking

 

 **Ymir:** which means IT HAPPENED

 

 **Sasha:** no it means that she haphazardly read your message and replied good without really reading it

 

 **Historia:** Mikasa, clarify pls

 

 **Annie:** she’s changing

 

 **Ymir:** HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT

 

 **Ymir:** bitches are still together!!!! Mikasa is changing!!! Connect the dots and get out your coins, Sasha!!

 

 **Annie:** nothing happened, Ymir. Start writing that check

 

 **Sasha:** no I want cash. Get it ready, Ymir

 

 **Historia:** I don’t know what to believe right now

 

 **Historia:** Mikasa accidentally confirmed it and never really un-confirmed it, Annie says no, but Annie is in the room while Mikasa is changing

 

 **Sasha:** I’m shook

 

 **Annie:** I’m annoyed by you all

 

 **Annie:** I’m going to bed

 

 **Historia:** In Mikasa’s bed??

 

 **Annie:** yes

 

 **Sasha:** ???????????????

 

 **Historia:** WHAT DOES IT MEAN

 

 **Annie:** good night

 

 **Mikasa:** good night

 

 **Ymir:** YOU GUYS

 

 **Ymir:** GUYS

 

 **Ymir:** HOLD ON JUST TELL ME

 

 **Ymir:** WHAT IS THE TRUTH??!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the world will never know.


	10. Useless Lesbians

**Sasha:** Ugh…useless lesbian

 **Annie:** ?

 **Historia:** ikr

 **Mikasa:** …

 **Ymir:** okay who are you talking to? That could apply to anyone in this chat

 **Sasha:** I was speaking in third person.

 **Annie:** but you’re not a lesbian

 **Sasha:** I just was for one second though

 **Historia:** okay well now you have to elaborate

 **Sasha:** some girl just delivered my pad thai and I was so shook that I backed into my desk and knocked over my candle…I lit a corner of my textbook on fire

 **Annie:** that’s not being a useless lesbian that’s being a dumbass

 **Mikasa:** you are not supposed to have candles in the dorms, let alone lit ones.

 **Historia:** it’s okay Mikasa, she has a fire extinguisher.

 **Mikasa:** still not allowed.

 **Ymir:** oh for god’s sake. Stop being such a mom Mikasa

 **Annie:** mommy

 **Ymir:** GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CHAT NOW

 **Historia:** daddy

 **Mikasa:** ?

 **Ymir:** don’t act like you don’t know

 **Sasha:** im gna go ahead and kinkshame yall

 **Ymir:** no need to kinkshame me. I’m as vanilla as it gets

 **Historia:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Sasha:** what’s so funny?

 **Annie:** goddammit don’t ask that. DON’T ENGAGE

 **Historia:** it’s funny because Ymir ties m—

 **Annie:** MIKASA AND I ARE DATING

 **Sasha:** WHAT???????????????

 **Mikasa:** oh, I didn’t know we were going to say that now

 **Annie:** well we weren’t. I needed something drastic to spare us the details of Ymir and Historia’s gross sex life

 **Historia:** I. CAN’T. BELIEVE IT!!!

 **Ymir:** yes you can. We all can. We’ve been speculating on them as a couple for months now and it’s been all but confirmed as of late. I can believe it. You can believe it. We all can believe it.

 **Annie:** Okay well safe to say you are not giving a toast at our wedding

 **Sasha:** AT YOUR WEDDING??????????? ZOMGGGGGGGGGGGGGASKDFLSKDFAJASD

 **Historia:** HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT WEDDING???????? WEDDING!!!!!

 **Mikasa:** wedding?

 **Annie:** wedding.

 **Ymir:** do you ever think about how someone reading that whole exchange even just forty years ago wouldn’t understand what the hell you are all saying. It’s a bunch of broken sentences, isolated words and punctuation. But we understand perfectly. Crazy, isn’t it?

 **Annie:** you’re quite the introspective today. It’s weird. Stop it.

 **Historia:** she’s smoking, that’s why.

 **Mikasa:** smoking what?

 **Historia:** SMOKING HOT

 **Ymir:** LMAO NICE

 **Annie:** see, again, that was a setup. And you walked right into it, Mikasa

 **Sasha:** just like she walked right into your heart

 **Mikasa:** aw

 **Historia:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Historia:** so are you guys thinking like a Fall wedding?

 **Annie:** no

 **Ymir:** because she already fell for Mikasa

 **Mikasa:** aw

 **Sasha:** OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

 **Annie:** Mikasa. Stop saying aw. And the rest of you shut up

 **Annie:** if anyone is getting married first it’s ymir and historia

 **Ymir:** fuck no

 **Ymir:** we don’t do that shit

 **Historia:** …

 **Historia:** we don’t? :(

 **Ymir:** marriage is a social construct

 **Historia:** yeah, but with gifts and food and booze

 **Ymir:** …you may have made some points

 **Mikasa:** personally, I think Sasha and Connie will get married first.

 **Sasha:** only if Annie will officiate

 **Annie:** then I guess you’re never getting married

 **Ymir:** wait Annie is ordained?

 **Sasha:** you don’t have to be ordained you just have to complete an online course

 **Ymir:** and she did that?

 **Annie:** yeah but I was drunk

 **Ymir:** oh yeah I forgot you’re one of those drunks that gets shit done when you’re wasted

 **Annie:** yeah.

 **Sasha:** Next time you’re drinking let me know…I’ll bring over all my overdue math homework for you to do

 **Annie:** I don’t drink…like, ever

 **Ymir:** oh you think you’re better than us or something

 **Annie:** yes

 **Annie:** but also it’s because it’s not worth the hangover.

 **Mikasa:** very true

 **Historia:** well I think it’s worth it because I have a girlfriend to take care of me when I’m hungover and now you do too annie :) bottoms up

 **Annie:** you’re encouraging me to drink more?

 **Historia:** yes

 **Mikasa:** how about instead, we all make fresh juice with the new juicer I bought

 **Ymir:** good idea! We can add vodka to it

 **Sasha:** how did I not know that you guys are all alcoholics

 **Ymir:** because you’re always drinking with us too

 **Historia:** we’re not really, we just like to sound cool

 **Annie:** at least she admits it

 **Mikasa:** drinking is really not that cool

 **Historia:** we all have our vices, Mikasa

 **Mikasa:** I’d suggest getting a healthier one

 **Ymir:** vices are not supposed to be healthy dumbass

 **Mikasa:** they can be. A vice is a bad habit. One of my bad habits is that I push myself too hard when I work out sometimes.

 **Ymir:** nopeeeeeee not the same thing

 **Historia:** Mikasa is just a perfectionist it’s okay

 **Mikasa:** I have to stay in shape for Annie

 **Ymir:** omg what?? Annie makes you conform to her idea of what a perfect female body should look like?

 **Annie:** WHAT

 **Mikasa:** not at all. I stay in shape in shape for my own health first and foremost. But I also do it because I love Annie’s blush when she sees my abs and I like to feel good about myself when we’re making out and stuff

 **Ymir:** I know :) just wanted to hear you say it :)

 **Annie:** come ON Mikasa do not say stuff like that!!

 **Mikasa:** well, you told them we were dating and getting married so I thought I could divulge this

 **Annie:** ugh. I hate it when you’re right

 **Annie:** which is all the time

 **Sasha:** oh wow we love girlfriends

 **Historia:** yes we DO

 **Historia:** and you love your bf

 **Sasha:** yes I DO

 **Sasha:** OMG “I DO”

 **Historia:** OMG I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING ANNIE AND MIKASA’S VOWS ARE GOING TO BE SO CUTE

 **Annie:** there is no fucking wedding!!!! Stop!!!!!

 **Mikasa:** we only just became girlfriends, let’s not talk about a wedding so soon

 **Ymir:** lmao @ “just became girlfriends”

 **Historia:** yeah for all intents and purposes you guys have been dating for like three years

 **Annie:** not true

 **Sasha:** kind of true

 **Sasha:** like

 **Sasha:** you guys have been doing weekly netflix marathons for years now

 **Historia:** yeah, Netflix on Mikasa’s LAPTOP while laying next to each other on her TINY MEANT FOR ONE PERSON BED

 **Annie:** lots of people do that

 **Historia:** SHE HAS A TELEVISION AND A COUCH IN HER DORM ANNIE

 **Ymir:** yeah you don’t lay next to each other like that unless you want to

 **Sasha:** oh and then you guys go grocery shopping together

 **Historia:** help each other with budgets

 **Ymir:** wait outside the classroom for each other

 **Historia:** Annie gets gas for Mikasa’s car without being asked

 **Ymir:** Mikasa cleans Annie’s dorm sometimes and leaves her a note on her pillow when she’s done

 **Sasha:** OMG and spontaneous gifts

 **Historia:** and doing taxes together

 **Ymir:** LMAO

 **Historia:** so you’re right, Annie. We don’t have to talk about marriage because you guys already ARE married

 **Mikasa:** I’m wondering how you guys know all these things.

 **Sasha:** oh, we’re very observant people, contrary to popular belief

 **Historia:** oh yes. We’re always watching.

 **Annie:** okay, that’s fucking CREEPY

 **Ymir:** see, Sasha, THEY are useless lesbians

 **Ymir:** completely useless

 **Ymir:** they’ve been essentially dating for years now but thought they were just friends this whole time

 **Historia:** love works in mysterious ways

 **Annie:** I ask this every day, and I’ll do it again today

 **Annie:** why am I friends with you guys

 **Ymir:** that’s easy

 **Historia:** it’s because we are USEFUL lesbians

 **Sasha:** and I’m the token straight friend. We’re a diverse bunch

 **Annie:** right…

 **Annie:** well I’m going to go taste Mikasa’s juice now so bye

 **Historia:** ANNIE SWEETIE THAT’S GAY

 **Ymir:** she deadass said she’s going to taste her juice omfgggg

 **Sasha:** yeah Mikasa made apple juice with the juicer she texted me a pic

 **Historia:** Sasha no just go with it

 **Sasha:** sorry…am I being a useless lesbian?

 **Ymir:** …

 **Ymir:** you know what, sure. Why the hell not

 **Ymir:** you can be an honorary useless lesbian even though the term is not being used correctly at all but worse things have been done

 **Sasha:** annie was right. You are very wordy today.

 **Ymir:** I’m a woman of many words. I can speak French, too.

 **Sasha:** omg really??

 **Ymir:** yes. But only between Historia’s legs :)

 **Annie:** Okay I just had to come back to say that was a fucking SETUP and SASHA YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO HER TRAP. AGAIN.

 **Annie:** EVERYONE STOP ENGAGING YMIR AND HISTORIA

 **Historia:** omg engagement!

 **Annie:** I give up


	11. F*** It

**Ymir:** So...fuck school

 **Annie:** a whole mood

 **Mikasa:** That’s not really a good attitude to have.

 **Annie:** who cares

 **Mikasa:** Again...not good.

 **Ymir:** who cares

 **Historia:** Maybe you SHOULD care Ymir this is your future!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Ymir:** meh

 **Annie:** same

 **Historia:** Mikasa we’re dating deadbeats

 **Historia:** I’M SORRY... _I_ am dating a deadbeat. Mikasa is "platonically" hanging out with someone who is a deadbeat.

 **Annie:** thank you for correcting

 **Historia:** I saw that you were typing and i pretty much knew you were going to flip so you’re welcome :)

 **Ymir:** proactive queen

 **Historia:** aw... i don’t mind financially supporting someone who’s as cute as you :)

 **Ymir:** hey i work

 **Annie:** Being a dumbass doesn’t count as a job Ymir

 **Sasha:** BITCH LSKJDFALKDJFAKSFD

 **Mikasa:** Hey Sasha!

 **Historia:** Hey girlie :)

 **Sasha:** Hello ladies, what’s the tea today?

 **Historia:** Annie and Ymir leeching off of Mikasa and I’s benefits.

 **Ymir:** benefits? No one here has benefits

 **Ymir:** …

 **Ymir:** is no one going to make a friends with benefits joke there? Do I have to do EVERYTHING?

 **Annie:** Okay how did Ymir and I saying Fuck School turn into us being deadbeats leeching off of our friends

 **Ymir:** you forgot “girl” in front of “friends”

 **Annie** : no i didnt

 **Annie:** at least not for me

 **Ymir:** does it ever get hard keeping up that charade?

 **Sasha:** Maybe Mikastoria is being a bit harsh. You can hate school and still lead a stable and independent, fiscally responsible life

 **Historia:** see that’s the thing...THEY’RE NOT

 **Mikasa:** Mikastoria?

 **Ymir:** you know what, fuck y’all

 **Annie:** mood

 **Sasha:** wait…

 **Sasha:** WAIT

 **Sasha:** HOLD ON A HOT DAMN SECOND

 **Ymir:** jesus, what?

 **Annie:** i was going to ask that but then i remembered i don’t give a fuck

 **Sasha:** *GASP* ANNIE AND YMIR ARE AGREEING FOR ONCE

 **Sasha:** THEY’RE ACTING LIKE *GASP* FRIENDS!!!

 **Historia:** OMG YOU’RE RIGHT

 **Historia:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Annie:** Ew.

 **Ymir:** same.

 **Historia:** OMG THIS IS SO CUTE

 **Ymir:** …

 **Ymir:** i’m too tired to argue with her

 **Annie:** yep.

 **Sasha:** GOD THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 **Mikasa:** I will say that Annie lives very fiscally responsible. She keeps costs low.

 **Ymir:** yeah she saves water by not showering

 **Annie:** excuse me?

 **Historia:** and just like that, they’re back to sworn enemies

 **Sasha:** it was good while it lasted

 **Mikasa:** I mean she doesn’t spend irresponsibly.

 **Ymir:** She just got done eating ramen for four weeks because she bought a sixty dollar video game

 **Annie:** not a good idea to snitch on me Ymir

 **Ymir:** this is fucking public knowledge to anyone who pays attention chill out

 **Annie:** I’ll beat your ass

 **Sasha:** omg you guys should date

 **Historia:** OMFG YES

 **Ymir:** I mean I’m not opposed…

 **Annie:** I’m about to leave this chat, delete the app, cancel my service and beat my phone into the ground with an ax before throwing the pieces into a retention pond.

 **Ymir:** you’ll radioactively poison all the aquatic life just because the thought of dating me disgusts you so much? I’m a little hurt...but more turned on.

 **Annie:** GOOD FUCKING BYE

 **Historia:** Yeah i don’t think she’s coming back. At least for today

 **Sasha:** that was entertainment at it’s finest

 **Mikasa:** It’s so played out though.

 **Sasha:** I mean true. At this point it’s more edgy if they don’t fight.

 **Historia:** Yeah they need to come up with something else.

 **Ymir:** I’m still here you know

 **Sasha:** Did y’all hear sm’n?

 **Mikasa:** No, my notifications are off. Should I put them on?

 **Historia:** *face palm*

 **Sasha:**  oh Mikasa...

 **Ymir:** Historia do you really think I’m a deadbeat

 **Historia:** no you literally go to school and work part-time you’re fine

 **Historia:** ugh you’re so cute when you’re emotionally vulnerable and sensitive

 **Historia:** I fucking love you

 **Ymir:** I love you toooooooooooooooo

 **Mikasa:** Well, I’m probably going to do some homework now.

 **Ymir:** by “some homework” you mean Annie, right?

 **Mikasa:** No, homework first, then Annie.

 **Sasha:** GIRL WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 **Ymir:** Mikasa always spills!!!

 **Historia:** I’m living rn omgggg

 **Ymir:** Annie's not even her to deflect because she overreacted about dating me. Sucks to suck

 **Annie:** I came back just to spite you.

 **Ymir:** Well you better leave again because Mikasa wants to f-

 **Annie:** FUCK OFF

 **Ymir:** Well, you got half of it right

 **Annie:** I WILL KILL YOU I SWEAR

 **Historia:** *eye roll*

 **Sasha:** *sigh*

 **Sasha:** this chat really starts in one place and ends up on the complete opposite side of the spectrum

 **Annie:** Yeah because Ymir has to make it perverted EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

 **Ymir:** Is this not the Bad Girls Club?? How vanilla would it be if we sat here and actually talked about school

 **Annie:** I'm sure you'd make that into something sexual too

 **Ymir:** You can't please everyone I guess

 **Historia:** You please me just fine :)

 **Annie:** okay fuck this I'm out for real

 **Sasha:** You guys can open a private chat you know

 **Historia:** we do have one actually, do you want an invite? It's rated 19+ ;)

 **Sasha:** NO

 **Sasha:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO

 **Ymir:** a wise decision 

 **Historia:** okay just thought I'd ask :)

 **Historia:** ;)

 **Annie:**  ╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮

 **Ymir:** you're sending us dick pics through emoticon now? kinky

 **Annie** : IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MIDDLE FINGER

 **Ymir:** If you want an invite to our private chat all you have to do is ask. 

**Annie has left the chat.**


End file.
